Født med ski på biena

The day finally has arrived. After missing two ski seasons I strapped on by boards and cruised around Birch Hill. Now Birch Hill isn't the best cross country ski area in the world, but for Fairbanks it is the top. The key to surviving in Fairbanks is all about lowering your expectations and laughing at the situation. The trails here are very windy, so much so that most turns are step turns. They even have a few padded light poles. That is a scary sight when you come around a corner and realize that enough people have run into a particular object that the groomers have taken the time to put padding on it. They are also very hilly, which is good for the legs and lungs. Not so good for the beginning skier. My favorite aspect about all the trails in Fairbanks is they have a very gentle up and down feel that has been created by years of snowmachine grooming. The trails in Anchorage are just flat as a pancake with their professional snowcat grooming machines. The crazy thing about skiing is that after the first two glides it all came back. The gliding, the frozen fingers, the cold air, and of course all those bad habits my ski coaches tried to break me of. I guess skiing is my version of riding a bike. It's something that I was born to do or as the Norwegians say, "Born with a ski on the foot."

Trollops, Strumpets and Floosies! Oh My!

When faced with this...I decided to make my own.

This weekend when a girlfriend proudly proclaimed that she was going to dress up for Halloween as a sexy zoo animal (no joke), I could only laugh inwardly.  Friends, it seems that yours truly has crossed another one of those check points on the way to being a grown up.  I no longer feel the need to bare skin on Halloween.

I respect a woman's choice to attract attention with plunging neck lines and shorter hem lines.  However, I have realized that is not what it is about for me.  This year I am going out to the bars dressed up as a Spelling Bee.  Yes, I, Elena Herron, will run around Fairbanks dressed in a home-made bee costume that will be appropriate for the 20 - 15 degree weather we will no doubt be experiencing here in Fairbanks.  I will hang an ABC sign from my neck and voila, a cute slightly punny little costume will be born!

I don't need people to appreciate my body on Halloween; I would rather them appreciate my sense of humor and fun.  I still look forward to dusting my cheeks with glitter and taking lots of adorable photos with Kari (who is going to be one fearsome pirate).  Most of all, I am excited to hang out with a group of friends who have been using their creative powers to piece together costumes that will make me laugh and appreciate them for their quirky individuality.

While cruising the internet this weekend, I found a lovely article about Halloween in the post-feminist age.  Read the article and the commentary for some interesting and varied opinions on the female psyche and the need to bare it all on All Hallows Eve.

Domesticity

This week I bought my first bedroom set (pictured above).  Now, I am completely freaking out.  Feels like I am coming down with some ridiculous nesting syndrome.  Before you know it, I'll be registering for some fine china.

I never thought I would actually want matching dishes or tasteful decorative pillows.  Please someone suggest an awesome life-changing adventure that will cure this temporary insanity...

AFN

This is a big weekend in the Golden Heart City. We are hosting the Alaska Federation of Natives. This is basically a huge conference held annually for all the Native Alaskan Corporations. I think the Alaska Natives (aka. white people born in AK like me) should start our own corporations. That way we could spend millions paying people to push paper, invest our money, and fly to the ends of the earth. Unfortunately, I don't think we would get too many government grants. Honestly, why to the freckled people not get many free hand outs? Oh well. This conference is all going to a good cause. Leaders get together, pour money in to the Fairbanks economy, and the people from the bush get a long weekend of fun in Fairbanks. The only trouble is sometimes people go a little crazy in the "big city." At least it is something different going on this weekend. Check out their fancy website www.nativefederation.org/.

I Want You

This story is brought to you by my distaste for a military recruiter in my office loudly jawing about how awkward it will be to have openly homosexual members of the US armed forces.  To the brave men and women who have served in silence, I thank you.  Follow the link below to a CNN story you may find enlightening.

Military recruiters told they can accept openly gay applicants

An Unopened Letter From Frida

M’ija, you stink of privilege.  Your Spanish words are clumsy now, like hail stones bouncing off your sweet abuelita’s tin roof.  You live in the polished districts of sedate happiness and complacency.

You ascended, went to a fancy school and shed your west side accent.  Was it hard to put all that distance between your roots and your future? You, ruca, who drives the lesbo Subaru and stuffs onion bagels into her mouth, you are a mystery now. 

And your poor sweet mother, the way her proud strong hands stunk of onions, dirt and labor, struggled so that you might have better.  What have you given back to them, those sloe-eyed ancestors who dared to dream?  Do you still talk to them in your sleep?

How easily you forget.  When do you come home to remember the hours over the comal?  Do you see your old friends, tus primas, with children hanging off their hips and the sweat of commonness on their brows?  Do you think you made a fortunate escape?

La Virgen help you, querida. We don’t know you anymore.

Dear Doubters-

All I can say is check this out to find out the obvious outcome of the hockey game last night.

http://alaskananooks.com/news/2010/10/17/MHOCKEY_1017101553.aspx?path=mhockey

Just Wait....

Now I am forced to reply in defense of one of the great hockey teams of the land of the north. First off, a tiger skating on ice? Really a polar bear has actually seen ice before and could take a tiger down with one simple swoop. Second off, it is a cardinal sin to make fun of the person singing the national anthem. So, just tilt that nose down a little and you march your perfect little arse down to the Carlson Center to sing before you make fun of the poor fool who got tricked into singing a difficult song in a space with horrible acoustics. Third off, we didn't have to import a whole hockey team who obviously don't belong at the school. Luckily at UAF, our hockey players are just as dumb as the rest of us. Well, I don't want to give you too many more reasons why UAF is a far superior team. (I don't want you to get too depressed.) Don't worry I won't make too much fun of your puny little tigers after they loose.

CARNAGE

Saturday, October 16, 2010: a day that will no doubt go down in the books as an embarrassing loss for the UAF Nanook men's hockey team.

I am-of course-referring to the fact that tonight the Nanooks will be put to shame by my very own Colorado College Tigers. Kari, being the loyal UAF alumnae that she is, has vowed to sit next to me and talk a whole mess of useless smack at the game. The rankings don't lie, folks. The CC Tigers have an unparalleled defense and a great tradition of excellence. UAF has some fool skating around in a polar bear suit.

I never thought the day might come when I would once again be proud to have attended the classist and snooty institution that is Colorado College, but today I will let my memories of Lacoste-clad East Coast phonies and clove-smoking tree huggers fade away whilst I proudly scream, "Go Tigers!"

For more info on exactly why the Nanooks are going to get shredded please follow the link below:
Fairbanks Daily News-Miner - Way up north Goal Rush is on Union Colorado College bring firepower stopping power to Carlson Center

Pipecleaner Men

Yesterday was fantastic mainly due to pipe cleaners. I found myself for an hour stuck in a library with eight kids building mini catapults out of popsicle sticks. Of course, with every group there is that one kid who doesn't want to be engaged. That is until the pipe cleaners come out. After about five minutes almost every catapult had an opperator or object to launch. (Depending on how the student decided to use their pipe cleaner man.) So, there I was "enriching" students lives by launching objects across a school library. I knew that engineering degree would be useful someday...

45 MPH on the Mitchell Expressway

This morning while stuck in traffic, I wrote a haiku to express my frustration.

The first snow that sticks

We mourn the ice wrought state

Sliding off the edges

Chinese Human Rights Activist Liu Xiaobo Wins Nobel Peace Prize

As someone who has lived in the great nation of China, I find the following story of particular personal interest.  The topic of human rights was carefully avoided in classroom instruction and general conversation during my stay in Beijing.  Not to say the Chinese won't tell you what is on their minds, but discussing the failings of the current government is usually not in vogue.

To Mr. Liu Xiaobo, I offer my own deeply felt congratulations.  While most of the upper-middle class golden-tongued agitators of the legendary Tian'an men demonstrations made safe and slippery escapes to Hong Kong and points beyond, Mr Liu was one of the few who faced true and awful consequences for his belief in democracy.  Hopefully the fallout from the government will not land too many more brave souls in jail...but if it does, what are other nations prepared to do about it?

Why Liu Xiaobo Nobel Peace Prize could harm Chinese rights activists - CSMonitor.com

The first snow!

Today we had our first official snow flurries in the Fairbanks North Star Borough. (Yes, here in Alaska we don't believe in counties, we've got boroughs. After all we have got to keep up our reputation of having the biggest in everything, even how we divide up our state.) The trouble with weather is that people forget it very quickly. The amount of excitement surrounding the first snow is unbelievable. Honestly, did you not remember that a mere six months ago the snow that was surrounding you? It is funny how this always tends to coincide with the flu season starting. So, added excitement about life plus less health adults to regulate the children equals one interesting day at work. Like true Alaskans we struggled through it and have lived to tell (or improve upon) the tale of October 6th 2010.

It started out like any other day. Election results were getting in from the local elections. They were filled with drama and suspense, as usual. The unopposed candidates down in North Pole weren't beaten by any write-ins. (Luckily, there aren't enough people who know how to spell Murkowski yet despite the television ads.) There are a few newbies, a few oldies, but in the end not much has changed. Then it was on to the mid day snow fall. Which made my heart long for my studded tires, which are so conveniently located about 357 miles south of me. It was funny over hearing stay at home moms worry about the lack of clothing their sons or daughter had on this morning when there was no sign of precipitation. Then off to school. Full of paperwork, kids, and conflicts. Honestly, someday I am going to show up in full turn out gear, with the amount of fires I have to put out each day I feel like I am inadequately dressed. But after a few burnt biscuits, lots of practicing how to line up, and a catapult constructed successfully, we all got out with mainly smiles on our faces. Now the grand finale awaits me. What can it be??? A few minutes in a steam room to unwind perhaps. Or maybe a sauna.

Murkowski vs Miller: Face-Off

Well let me tell you, folks, the senate race up here in the north just keeps getting nastier and nastier.  Murkowski and Miller are tearing each other up on the radio and television waves.  And while their political cat-fight is beamed into our homes and hearts, I am left wondering...who indeed will be the less offensive candidate?

Miller has promised that, like his supporter Mama Grizzly Palin, he will shake up Washington and bring change.  Yes, this tea party boy talks a good game.  I'll even admit that he's quite likable, and the idea of smaller government is appealing.  Yet I can't forget that same party that promised to downsize government has repeatedly failed to deliver on any of their promises. (Remember those multi-billion dollar wars we got involved in?  The unchecked growth of executive powers?)

Unfortunately, what I truly believe is that Joe Miller, like many who came before and many who will come after, is all talk.  I think that he can't be a strong force in a senate that is already deeply divided and largely ineffective.  His rhetoric leads me to the conclusion that he is inflexible and unwilling to play nice with the Dems.  If he refuses to reach across the aisles and bring human understanding and common sense instead of rigid party-line politics to the table then he will bring no change.  He will play right into the established decaying order.

As for Murkowski, I think she is making a brave move running as a write-in.  All of those smear ads that pointed out how she has often failed to vote with other members of the Republican party made her infinitely more attractive to centrists like myself.  I'm not saying the woman has any more answers than Miller.  If she had everything figured out she wouldn't have lost that primary.

The glimmer of hope I see in Murkowski is that she has used her own moral and intellectual compass while casting her vote.  I do not look to her to make sweeping changes.  I look to her for what is more realistic...keeping the interests of our wonderfully unique state at heart and making sure that if federal money is going to be spent, it gets spent on us.

Speaking of channeling money into the 49th state, all of this makes me yearn for the golden years of Uncle Ted...